I’ve been a big fan of an American TV series, How I Met Your Mother, for as long as I can remember. I started to watch it approximately 6 years ago, in 2008, when I was an 11th grader. I practically grow up with this series, much like how my two older sisters grow up with Sex and the City and how the previous generation before me grow up with Friends. How I Met Your Mother is my Friends and I grow fond of it, almost to the point of emotionally attached (I’ve been watching every episodes of the currently on-going final season with a gloomy heart).

“Here’s what I discovered: Our booth was wherever the five of us were together.

What’s the thing that I like the most about How I Met Your Mother? Certainly the friendship and bond between the main characters: Barney, Ted, Lily, Robin, and Marshall. I have to be really honest that I envy their friendship, I am longing for their kind of friendship. They hang out in a bar almost every day, talking about everything, literally everything, from light-weighted subject to an important subject about life and relationship. They’ve gone through thick and thin and they are not the kind of pretentious friendship who are trying hard to be sweet just for the sake of social media publicity (in fact, they are very cruel to each other on their jokes sometimes). Even though they are fictional, they feel as real as a factual friendship.

Then how about my friendship? I have a crucial problem of keeping up with an old friends. People who were once my best friend back in junior high school and high school is almost a stranger to me right now. I can recall fondly of the pleasant memories that I’ve had with them but to actually reach out to them again and ask them how are they doing and stuff? Well I suck at that. I have change a lot in the course of years and I have reach the point that I am too indolent to keep up with all the friends that have left me behind or the one that I have left behind.

When I begin my college years, I’ve become more reserved and withdrawn more than ever. Throughout 3 and a half year of college, I only have a very small circle of friends and I have no intention to expand it or adding more people to my circle. I remained friendly with a lot of people but I’ve not more than 10 people that I can call my best friend, nor do I have the aspiration to find a new best friend. What’s the deal? Everything always fall apart. My delicate circle of friends in college years whom I care dearly? it falls apart, leaving a . I never tell them that I am devastated that we end up like we are now, I only tell my significant other that I actually feel heartbroken for not even trying to save what’s been damaged. For not trying to save what I have left of my friendship. But the damages is critical and there’s no way to patch a broken trust and respect, so I try to be alright with the consequences. I still love all of them nonetheless, they are the epitome of my college years and perhaps the closest I will ever get to my How I Met Your Mother kind of friendship.

In the latest episode of How I Met Your Mother, Ted said:
The friends, neighbors, drinking buddies, and partners-in-crime you loved so much when you’re young – as the years go by, you just lose touch… You will be shocked, kids, when you discover how easy it is in life to part ways with people forever. That’s why when you find someone you want to keep around, you do something about it.

That’s why when you find someone you want to keep around, you do something about it. 
I used to promise someone that I will hang on to our friendship no matter what happen, but things fall apart, badly, and even badly is an understatement to how wrecked our relationship is. Since things are falling apart between us, I have lose all optimism in the world about friendship and human relationship. I take things lightly, building a fences around me and not allowing anyone to enter my house, I build  a large garden and backyard to keep everyone there but not once allowing people to enter my house and wreck it once again. Not anymore, I said, no more heartache. I’ve lose too many things by loving too deeply and trusting too much.

But still, I want my own booth, with my own Ted, Robin, Barney, Marshall, and Lily. I don’t want to swim around in the vast sadness  and loneliness of urban world with no one to have drinks with after an office hour. I don’t want a shallow friendship with co-workers, I want my own special booth, someone I want to keep around and someone who will drives me to keep our friendship at bay.

Because modern life is lonely as hell,
even with a lover.

I  just want to connect,
But it’s damn expensive nowadays with no one caring about anything but themselves.

So when will I have my own booth?

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